Landy High
by DeadWoman
Summary: Valkyrie Cain, aged 16, just found out she has to attend a school for mages. Good times follow...ALL CHARACTERS ARE DEREK LANDY'S
1. Chapter 1

_I have a whole lot of fanfictions to update and fanfiction ideas so I'll update if I get a review or if I get an idea for a chapter!_

Valkyrie Cain woke up and looked at her clock. 7am. Ugh. Today was the first day of her new school and she was dreading it. It didn't seem that bad, in fact there was some cute guys there but she detested starting a new school in the last year. She wasn't great at making friends and these people would be different. That guy, Meritorious, the head master, had told her and her parents that Valkyrie had magic inside her. Powerful magic and that she was descended from some ancient dudes.

She was sixteen! She didn't need this crap. Maybe she'd meet a cute sixteen-year-old mage and they'd hit it off. It was ridiculous that she was going to a magic school.

Grumpily Valkyrie walked downstairs and saw her parents eating breakfast. "Morning, Merlin." her dad said.

"Have a good sleep, sweetie?" her mum asked.

"No. What time do I have to be there?"

"Eight for the first day. Half eight for normal days." her mum recited. "Hurry up. We said we couldn't drive you because of Alice but Meritorious is sending a boy from your year to pick you up in his car."

"What time?"

"Twenty past seven. We made you some toast, Harry Potter." her dad grinned.

"Shut up." she groaned and walked back upstairs. She put on a black T-shirt and blue jeans. At least this school didn't have a uniform.

At exactly twenty past seven, someone knocked on the door. Valkyrie rushed past her dad to answer it and stared at the person on the other side. The thing? No..

"Is this a joke?" she asked.

"Last time I checked, no." the skeleton said. "Maybe it is. Who knows? I'm Skulduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant."

"Ste-Valkyrie Cain." she quickly corrected herself. Her new name was awesome.

"Nice to meet you. Now if you'd like to get in my car, we have to pick up a few of my friends. Only two. They're dating. Just a warning."

"Oh. Uh okay." Valkyrie grabbed her bag and got into the pretty nice car parked outside. "This seat is too far forward."

"Saracen was the last one to sit in it and he has short legs." Skulduggery got in the drivers seat.

"Who?"

"Saracen Rue. He knows things."

"Oh. Is that who we're picking up?"

"Don't be ridiculous. He gets a lift with one of my best friends, Dexter Vex."

Valkyrie nodded. "Okay."

After a moment's silence, Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "You're very quiet, aren't you?"

"Not normally. It's just...new school, new people, making friends, magic..."

"Overwhelming?"

"Well yeah."

"Oh dear."

"That sounded sarcastic."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. I have incredible wit." Skulduggery pulled up outside a shop and beeped on the horn. "I'm your friend. And my friends are your friends."

"I haven't met them. How do I know if I'll like them?"

"Actually quick warning. Don't stare."

"Huh?" Valkyrie frowned as a boy with no hair came out of the shop, wearing a shirt, waistcoat and skinny jeans. He had a whole lot of scars on his head.

"This is Ghastly Bespoke. Ghast, this is Valkyrie Cain."

"Nice to meet you." Ghastly tapped her arm from the back seat then looked at Skulduggery. "She's very quiet isn't she?"

"Not normally."

"What's up with your scars?" she asked.

"Do you ever listen to a word I say?" Skulduggery sighed.

"Cursed when Mam was pregnant with me. Whatever. Tanith's coming in a minute. She's just doing her hair."

"Since when does Tanith do her hair?"

"That's what I said. She just glared at me and tutted."

"Women." Skulduggery shook his head.

"Hey!" Valkyrie protested and the boys high-fived. Valkyrie didn't know if this Tanith would be nice or not. She wasn't great with girls. And if Tanith bothered to do her hair for school...

A blonde girl got in the car, sliding through the open window instead of using the door. Valkyrie stared, eyes wide.

"Wha-how?" she stammered.

"Doors are for people with no imagination." Tanith said in an English accent then smirked. "Or so Skul says."

"That's my line, Low."

"And I used it well, did I not?" Tanith turned to Valkyrie again. "I'm Tanith Low."

"Valkyrie Cain."

"I'm Ghastly's girlfriend."

"Apparently I'm Skulduggery's friend so I'm everyone's friend."

"Sarcasm?" Skulduggery asked as they drove through the open gates, down the lane and into the school car park.

"Nope."

Skulduggery parked the car and looked at her. "I am glaring at you."

"No, you're smiling."

"I'm a skeleton, I'm always smiling."

They all got out of the car and Tanith and Ghastly ran off towards a bench. "They're off kissing." Skulduggery said. "Right, I'll introduce you to my friends. We call each other the Dead Men. It's a private joke."

"Hilarious." Valkyrie followed Skulduggery to a gang of boys on the school steps. Her eyes were instantly drawn to a blonde boy with obvious muscles under his grey top and black jeans.

"You've met Ghastly. This is Anton Shudder." A scary-looking tall boy with dark hair and a frown. "This is Erskine Ravel." A guy with a grin and gold eyes. "This is Dexter Vex."

"Hi." she interrupted Skulduggery with a smile. "I'm-"

"Shush." Skulduggery said. "And this is Saracen Rue of the short leggedness." A short and round boy with a cheeky grin winked at her.

"What he lacks in height he more than makes up for in flirtation." Erskine told her.

"I'm not that small. I'm not smaller than Gracious." Saracen objected.

"Gracious O'Callahan and Donegan Bane, nicknamed the Monster Hunters after they killed the escaped ugly troll thing last year." Skulduggery pointed to two boys on the other side of the car park who were complete opposite.

"Troll?"

"Ugly troll. Keep up, Valkyrie."

"Ooh, Skul, look who just turned up in her brand spanking new Rolls Royce." Dexter said and they all turned to see a tall beautiful girl slide out of a pale blue car.

"That your girlfriend?" Valkyrie guessed.

"He wishes." Dexter scoffed. "Long-time crush. He even broke up with Marietta for her. But he never made a move."

"Which is unfair because he's forbidden me from making a move when he's not doing anything." Saracen said.

"He just sits there and stares."

"Actually we're good friends. That's China Sorrows, she has the ability to make you fall in love with her at first sight and she's one of the smartest people at this school." Skulduggery said.

Valkyrie grinned. "Who are the other smartest?"

"Me. And I suppose these guys are good too."

"Anton is the best at Sports, Ghastly is a master boxer, runner and tailor, Saracen is great at drama-" Erskine said.

"That's because he's a drama queen." Dexter said.

"Dexter is good at English and I am good at business and politics. Tanith's the fighting whiz. We're also friends with this guy called Frightening. He's really tall and dark. You can't miss him."

"Okay. Cool. Uh is that the bell ringing?"

"Yeah! I think you're in my register class. We go there before lessons begin at 9am." Skulduggery said and they walked to a classroom. "Classroom 107 remember."

As they walked in, Valkyrie got bombarded with either jealous looks (the girls), flirty grins (the boys) and a huge hug. "Scapegrace!" Skulduggery hissed and hit someone. Whoever was hugging her squealed and fell off. She stared.

"Did I just get hugged by a stranger?"

The guy bounced back up and smiled. "I'm Vaurien Scapegrace, friend of Skul's."

"He's not a friend." Skulduggery told her. "He's more a fan."

"I'm a friend." Scapegrace insisted. "He punched me once. He punches all his friends."

"Right...I'm Valkyrie Cain."

"She's my real friend." Skulduggery told him.

"I'm your real friend too."

Valkyrie laughed suddenly. "So he's obsessed with you?" she whispered when Skulduggery made Scapegrace go away and sat down next to her in the back row.

"Yes. It's annoying."

"You punched him?"

"He was annoying me. He kept asking me loudly about...CHINA! Hi." Skulduggery abandoned the conversation as China sat in front of them. She turned round, her eyebrow raised.

"Hello, Skulduggery." she said coolly then looked at Valkyrie. "Who's this?"

"Valkyrie. Valkyrie Cain. She's a friend and new girl. Just a friend. She's not even pretty."

"Cheers."

China gave her a frosty smile and turned back around to talk to the girl next to her.

"Who's that next to her?" Valkyrie whispered.

"That's Murder Rose. She's a bit psychotic. No doubt China's kicking her out of that seat."

"Scary name."

"Scary girl." Skulduggery said. Valkyrie smirked as the girl got up and stormed across the room to sit by a blonde boy who winced and sighed. He caught her eye and grinned at her. He had extraordinarily spiky hair.

She turned away. "Who's that boy?"

"Which one?"

"With the hair."

"Oh him? He's new too. Started today. Something Renn."

"Oh." Valkyrie looked back at the boy who was staring at her and she smiled back. His face lit up and he started saying something but over the noise she couldn't hear. She shook her head and he gestured wildly. Sighing she scowled and looked back to her skeleton friend. He was staring at China.

Great choice of friends, Valkyrie, she told herself. Six boys, an okay girl, a weird guy who hugged her and a spiky-haired blonde boy.

_please review ideas and characters for me to include! Morwenna Crow and Sagacious Tome are deputy heads as Meritorious is head. No Mevolent. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_I am definitely including Dusk and Sanguine in the next chapter and I thought maybe Baron Vengeous could be a horrible teacher? Who hates Skulduggery because once Skulduggery pulled an epic prank on him? As for who am I pairing people with…well maybe same as in the books. We already have Ghanith; I want a bit of Fletchryie before Valduggery. And I'm not sure with anybody else. Any suggestions? Before this gets too long, here's the story!_

Valkyrie looked at her Maths teacher, Baron Vengeous. It seemed a strange name but everyone's name was strange in this damned school. Her maths partner, Tanith Low, had torn herself away from Ghastly for one hour because they were in separate maths classes. Or so Tanith said. She was really chatty. "Me and Ghastly are inseparable. You know those really annoying high school couples who always are kissing and doing everything together? We're like but more awesome and less annoying. Also, it's like I'm not clinging to him every second of the day. I mean, our friends are the same but I can go chill out with Erskine and Saracen and he can practice magic with Dexter but we won't really care if we're apart."

"Oh." Valkyrie said. "That's nice."

"Yeah. I guess. Oh, we'd better stop talking now. Vengeous is looking at us." Tanith started scribbling wildly in her exercise book and Valkyrie glanced at the teacher with the stupid beard. He caught her eye and scowled.

"Cain!" he shouted. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, working?" she tried.

"Evidently not, Cain! Detention after school!"

"Sir, it's my first day!" she protested.

"Too bad." Vengeous sat back down and to Valkyrie's surprise, Anton stood up, grinning.

"Hey, Vengeous. What's that on your chin?" he asked and Vengeous glared at him.

"Detention after school!" he yelled. Anton sat down after giving Valkyrie a smile. She smiled back and mouthed thank you then turned to Tanith.

"Does Anton always sacrifice his after-school activities for detention?"

"Only for people he likes. He sticks up for people. He's great. A bit depressive and non-smiley sometimes but great. His mother died last year. Cancer. Before that he was the cheeriest boy around."

"The cheeriest?" Valkyrie asked.

"Well, that might be an exaggeration. But he was a lot goddamn happier than he is now. I'd feel sorry for him if I didn't know he didn't like people feeling sorry for him." Tanith said.

"Okay." Valkyrie went back to her work, reminding herself to give Anton a big hug when she next saw him.

…..

Valkyrie followed Tanith to the picnic bench area after maths where the Dead Men were sitting. Dexter was smoking and Skulduggery was reading through a textbook. "What's up, nerd?" Tanith sat next to Ghastly and gave him a one-armed hug.

"I am not a nerd." Skulduggery said and looked up at Valkyrie. "How was your first class here at Landy High?"

"Disastrous. She got detention." Tanith said with a smirk. "Where's Anton?"

"Here." Anton came from behind Valkyrie and she glanced at him before deciding against the hug. Maybe later. She just smiled at him instead but he didn't see as he bounded up to Saracen and started chatting to him about something. Valkyrie tried not to feel hurt because Erskine was staring at her.

"You got detention in your first class?" Erskine asked.

"Uh, yeah." Valkyrie said cautiously. Erskine held his hand up and she high-fived it, laughing slightly. Dexter grinned at her then dropped the cigarette.

"Shit." He muttered and quickly grabbed it off the wooden table top. He checked the wood for any fires that might start then breathed a sigh of relief. "Well done, Val. Welcome to the Dead Men." He smirked.

"You shouldn't be congratulating her for getting a detention, right Pleasant?" Ghastly said.

Skulduggery looked up. "Sure. Yeah. Congratulations, uh…" he glanced at Valkyrie.

"Valkyrie."

"Congratulations Valkyrie on…what did she do?"

"Get a detention in her first lesson."

"Oh, why should I be congratulating her then?" Skulduggery asked Ghastly.

Ghastly sighed. "I said you shouldn't be congratulating her."

"Right. Well, never mind. We all need to learn about punishment someday." Skulduggery shrugged and returned to his textbook.

"Don't worry about it, Val, Vengeous is an idiot." Dexter said. Valkyrie finally got fed up of waiting for Skulduggery to move and shoved him out the way to sit down next to him. He didn't even notice.

"Thanks, Dexter." She said. "And I feel really bad about Anton."

"Huh?"

Tanith grinned evilly. "Well, the little minx here got Anton a detention too because Anton commented about Vengeous' beard a few seconds after Valkyrie got detention."

"Little minx?" Valkyrie frowned.

Dexter laughed. "Oh, he likes you then. First day, first lesson, detention!"

"When was the last time Shudder had a detention?" Ghastly asked.

"Uh, Skulduggery's prank on Vengeous." Tanith grinned and Skulduggery looked up.

"That is never to be mentioned."

"Only because he told your parents and you got grounded."

"Not because of that. Although that was hurtful. I thought we had a connection."

"You and Vengeous?" Valkyrie asked.

"Yes." Skulduggery cocked his head as he stared at her. "Hmm."

"What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"You looked at me and said hmm."

"I did?"

"Yes."

"Forgive me, I'm a bit unsettled."

"By what?"

"Tanith, do not mention the prank again." Skulduggery said and Valkyrie frowned at him. He didn't seem insane this morning but he wasn't entirely sane either….

"What happened in the prank?" Valkyrie asked Erskine. Erskine rolled his eyes.

"Skulduggery blew up Vengeous' office."

"WHAT?" Valkyrie shrieked. "You BLEW UP SOMEONE'S OFFICE?" that was directed at Skulduggery but Dexter answered.

"Yeah he did. It was awesome. Then Vengeous told his parents. Also Skulduggery got hurt by the explosion. Wasn't as far away as he thought. We were all hidden in the bushes and Skulduggery was propelled backwards by the blast. Went right into us."

"It hurt." Skulduggery said grumpily.

"That's why we don't mention it." Ghastly added. Valkyrie nodded, trying to remember all this.

…..

After lunch, an hour of arguing with Dexter about who messed up their science project (they were partners in science and both as rubbish as each other) and two more boring lessons, Valkyrie waited outside of the hall for Anton. He arrived about five minutes after the last bell and glanced at her.

She smiled at him and walked into the hall. There were four desks; two empty and two occupied. In the two occupied ones were a blonde wearing sunglasses and a pale-faced boy frowning.

"Well," the boy with sunglasses said. "Ain't this just amazin', darlin'? This here is my accomplice, Dusk, he's a bit grumpin' at the moment on the account of the fact that he got caught up in my prank but normally he's a happy bunny. I'm Billy Ray Sanguine, pleased to meet your acquaintance."


	3. Chapter 3

Valkyrie and Anton sat next to the two boys and she was aware that both of them were staring at her. She glanced up and Dusk looked away but the blonde boy pushed the sunglasses up his nose.

"Sanguine, don't." Anton growled.

"Don't what?" Sanguine asked, eyes wide in innocence. Valkyrie sensed a history between them.

"You know what." Anton said. Sanguine laughed and Anton started working on his homework like Dusk was. Valkyrie looked down at her science homework and bit her lip.

"Darlin', I could help you with that."

Valkyrie jumped. Sanguine had dragged his chair beside her and his grin was flashing in her face. "I'm fine thanks." she said stiffly.

"Aw, but I'm a dab hand at science."

"I said I'm fine." Valkyrie snapped. If Anton hated Sanguine she supposed that she should.

"Ooh. Fiesty."

Valkyrie ignored him and tapped her pen on the table. "Go away."

"Fine. Fine." Sanguine brushed against her shoulder and she froze as he walked away.

...

She walked out to the car park with Anton and they waited on the front steps for Dexter to pick them up and drop them off home. "What's up with Sanguine and Dusk?"

"Dusk's a vampire." Anton said.

Valkyrie choked on the water she was drinking and stared at him. "Vampires are real?"

"Yeah there's two vamp students in school and a teacher."

"Well what's Sanguine's problem then?"

"He's from Texas, America. He's a bit ugh. Ghastly hates him so we all hate him really. I'm not sure why Ghastly hates him. They had a fight once and it was nasty."

"Here's Dexter." Valkyrie looked at the open-top Mini blaring out pop music parking in front of the school.

"Hop in, losers!" Dexter yelled and Valkyrie laughed as she got in the back. Saracen was in the back as well, on his phone. Anton rode shotgun.

"Yes, yes, no..." Saracen hollered into his phone. Valkyrie tapped Dexter's arm.

"Who's he speaking to?"

"Clarabelle. She's friends with Vaurien Scapegrace and Thrasher, I don't know if you've met them."

"Yeah. He hugged me. Scapegrace."

"Ugh yeah he does that." Dexter braked and Anton got out. "See you Anton!" The car started up again up the street with a squeal. "Anyway Saracen and Clarabelle have a business venture together."

"It's not together. She works for me." Saracen said.

Valkyrie grinned. "What business?"

"I'm trying to get Meritorious to create a tuck shop. Sweets, drinks and crisps." Saracen said as Dexter pulled up outside her house.

"Here you go, love." Dexter grinned at her. "Tell your parents all about your new friends, especially me."

"Yeah I will." Valkyrie smiled back and got out. Once she was in the house, she made her way to the kitchen and was greeted by Melissa, Desmond and Alice.

"How was your day, sweetheart?" her mum asked.

"Good. I made some friends. Mostly Skulduggery's friends but I smiled at a boy who wasn't in Skulduggery's friend group."

"You actually smiled at someone?"

"Shut up, Dad."

"So what did you do today?" Melissa said.

"We picked up Skulduggery's friend Ghastly and his girlfriend Tanith. Then we met four others. Saracen Rue, Dexter Vex, Erskine Ravel and Anton Shudder."

"They're all boys?" Desmond frowned.

"Well yeah. They're nice though. Skulduggery fancies this really pretty girl called China Sorrows. She's got the power to make people fall in love with her at first sight but her main power is to do with symbols or something."

"Oh so Skulduggery has a girlfriend?" Melissa asked.

"He wishes. Saracen said that he even broke up with someone for her but he's never made a move. They're friends." Valkyrie smiled.

"How were the lessons? I know maths isn't your strong point." Melissa said.

"You mean that she's rubbish at it." Desmond grinned.

"Des!"

"Dad!"

"Sorry."

"Anyway I'm with Tanith for maths and she's nice. I got detention because Vengeous, that's the maths teacher, Baron Vengeous, is really annoying. I wasn't even doing anything."

"Poor baby."

"Then Anton stuck up for me and got a detention with me."

"Ooh, who's Anton?"

"I don't like him." Desmond announced. "Anyone who sticks up for my daughter obviously fancies her so I don't like him."

"Dad! He doesn't fancy me. Then after maths, me and Tanith went to the picnic area where the Dead Men - that's what they call themselves - hang out."

"Dead Men." Desmond scoffed.

"Skulduggery was being a bit weird then he told me about a prank he did on Vengeous once and there was an explosion..." Valkyrie trailed off. "Of laughter and anger..." Her parents didn't need to know everything. "Then Anton and I went to detention after school."

"So a good day then?"

"Yes I suppose." Valkyrie smiled then went upstairs to her room. She relaxed on her bed and decided not to mention the VAMPIRE and the Texan boy to her parents. Dusk and...what's his name...

She couldn't think so she got out her phone to text Dexter. Dexter had given her everyone's number that she would need to know. **What's that Texan guy with the sunglasses called? **

She waited a bit and then her phone vibrated in her hands. Remembering Dexter's really hot body and muscles, she grinned. **Billy-Ray Sanguine. He is an asshole. Do not make friends with him. Anton told me about detention. That creep. Sanguine, not Anton. Anyway no friendliness with Sanguine x**

Valkyrie scowled at that kiss. She didn't fancy Dexter Vex. No. She didn't. She thought of the really cute boy with the really spiky hair in registration. Something Renn.

_I'd just like to say THANK YOU for reading this :D and I'd love it if you reviewed ideas for chapters! _


	4. Chapter 4

_Everyone read TheZombieGhost's fantastic story which is a skulduggery pleasant crossover! It's awesome! Anyway, enjoy this chapter._

Valkyrie got into Skulduggery's car the next day and tried to gauge his reaction to her outfit. She was wearing black high-waisted shorts, a tight purple vest and black cowboy boots. "Hey, Skulduggery." She said.

He looked at her. "We're picking up Erskine and Dexter today."

"Right." She sulked for a bit until they pulled up outside Subway and the two boys got in the car. Dexter's eyes widened.

"Woah, Val, you look, ah, nice." He handed her a sandwich. "Got you a cheese and tuna sandwich."

"Thanks." She grinned at him. Erskine waved at her, his mouth too full of sandwich to talk.

"No eating in the Bentley!" Skulduggery commanded. He turned a corner with incredible speed and skill and started the journey up the school driveway. "And Saracen will be mad you didn't get him anything."

"He can eat my meatballs." Dexter said.

Valkyrie giggled then blushed as they all looked at her. "Sorry, sounded like a sexual innuendo."

Erskine thought about it then laughed. "I knew it, Vex, you and Rue are made for each other."

Dexter rolled his eyes and poked Valkyrie. "I'm regretting getting you a sandwich now."

"Too late."

"I could take it off you."

"I'd like to see you try. No-one gets between me and food."

Valkyrie turned to the door to get out and screamed. The boys the Dead Men had pointed out yesterday, the Monster Hunters, were waving at her, faces pressed against the glass. She opened the door and they reeled backwards, laughing.

"Sorry, too good of an opportunity to pass up." The tall blonde one said. He was English. "I'm Donegan Bane, pleasure to meet you. This is my best friend, Gracious. Gracious, apologize to the pretty girl."

Donegan sort of reminded her of James Bond, suave and sophisticated. And if Donegan was James Bond, Gracious was someone from Star Wars. He was small with dark hair and was wearing a Captain America T-shirt with ripped jeans. "Hi, pretty girl, I'm Gracious."

"I'm Valkyrie Cain."

"I know, Skulduggery told me about you." Gracious said then blushed as Skulduggery coughed. "I wasn't meant to tell her that, was I?"

"No. But now she knows. Valkyrie, I can assure you it was all good things." Skulduggery said.

"You're strange."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"How so?"

"You stared at me yesterday and said hmm then didn't talk to me for the rest of the day and now you're telling Gracious about me."

Skulduggery started to reply but got interrupted by Saracen. "I see Subway. Did you get me anything?"

"Uh, Dexter said you could eat his meatballs." Valkyrie said. Erskine chuckled.

"I've been craving meatballs!"

Erskine laughed even more as Saracen ran over to Dexter. Anton was with Dexter, talking frantically. Valkyrie caught his eye and waved. Anton smiled back. "Shall we go inside?" Skulduggery suggested.

"Can't we go talk to-" Valkyrie was ushered inside and she glared at him. "Hey! I wanted to socialize."

"I don't like socializing."

"Ugh. You don't like anything."

"I like you."

"As a friend?"

"Yes."

"Good. I can't have a skeleton fancying me."

"Why not?"

"It's weird. You're dead."

"Essentially yes but technically I am alive. It is like vampires." Skulduggery said. "Speaking of which..." he nudged her and she saw a pale hot boy slip into the men's toilets. "We should follow him."

"What? I'm not going in there."

"You'll have to get over your fear of men's toilets someday."

"Why?"

"If we are to become better friends, you'll have to follow me and us all on our little adventures. Using a cloaking sphere, I had to go into a women's public toilet last year."

"Why?" Valkyrie felt like a two year old asking why all the time but sometimes the only questions were the obvious ones.

"Mystery. I fancy myself as a detective."

"No. You just fancy yourself. What's a cloaking sphere?"

"Makes you invisible and no-one can hear you."

"Can I see?"

"I don't have one on me all the time." Skulduggery said then sighed. "Fine but you have to come into the men's toilets with me for some detecting work."

"Okay!"

Skulduggery got out a wooden ball and twisted it. Nothing happened but she assumed she was now invisible. "Has it worked?" she whispered.

"You don't have to whisper, Valkyrie. It is soundproof."

"Oh, sorry." She said but she couldn't help being quiet. It was unnerving especially when people just walked past without looking at them. A few seconds later, someone accidentally walked into the invisible force field thing because there was a shriek.

"You two weren't here before!"

It was the blonde and spiky-haired boy Valkyrie had smiled at yesterday. "Oh hey," he added at Valkyrie.

"We're in an invisibility force field." she told him. "It's also soundproof."

"Awesome! I'm Fletcher Renn. I'm the last Teleporter."

Skulduggery looked at him suspiciously. "What happened to Cameron Light? The second to last Teleporter?"

"Offed it." Fletcher said. "Fell off a plane or something."

"If he fell off a plane why didn't he teleport to safety?"

"It might have been a train and I have the feeling there was a shark there..."

Skulduggery stared then twisted the ball again so it didn't cover Fletcher. Fletcher looked round, confused, and then vanished.

"So teleporting, huh?" Valkyrie said and quickly followed Skulduggery to the toilets.

"Yep. Handy magic. What are you?"

"A human?"

"No, what magic do you have?"

"Uh, Meritorious explained this all. There's Elemental, Adept, Teleporter, Necromancy and uh...Sensitives. Something else I think, isn't there?"

Skulduggery passed the ball to her. "Keep hold of this. I'm going to have a talk with Caelan."

"Uh okay. The cloaking sphere." Valkyrie watched Skulduggery kick open a toilet door and drag the vampire out.

"Skulduggery, what are you doing?" Caelan screeched.

"You didn't happen to accidentally forget to take your serum last night, did you?"

"No I took it and went in my cage. You egotistical discriminating little..."

"I think you should stay quiet because in here with me, I have an associate who could quite easily beat you up. Now answer my question truthfully, Caelan."

Valkyrie had to admit Skulduggery was quite scary sometimes. It was also kind of hot, but Valkyrie banished that thought quickly.

"I didn't do anything." Caelan said. "Dusk took the serum too, I saw him."

Skulduggery fell silent then walked back into the force field. "We can't do anything about it."

"About what?" she asked but Skulduggery was already walking out of the door. She hurried after him and let them be visible again. "About what?"

"A vampire killed someone last night. drained of blood."

"Oh, God." Valkyrie paled. "Who was it?"

"Moloch."

"Who's that?"

"Teacher here. If I even mentioned it to him he would probably break my arm."

"And they hired him?"

"He keeps us in line." Skulduggery shrugged. "So they overlook his abuse of power."

"Jesus." Valkyrie reminded herself that this was a magic school and things were different here. Vampires, trolls, death. "Has anyone ever died here?"

"Once." Skulduggery said and then went to hug Ghastly. "Hi, Bespoke, how come you didn't want a lift this morning?"

Valkyrie watched them walk away and walked the other way. She went to Fletcher and smiled at him. "I'm Valkyrie Cain, how are you?"

"Better now. Isn't my hair awesome?"

Valkyrie laughed. "It certainly is spiky."


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Readers..._

Valkyrie opened up her pack lunch and looked inside. A limp cheese sandwich and a bag of chocolate buttons. She looked up at Dexter who was biting into a large chocolate doughnut. She broke off half of it and stuffed it in her mouth. Dexter stared at her in horror. "Did you just eat my doughnut without my permission?"

"Uh...chocolate button?" she offered the bag and he frowned and took 3 out.

"You are forgiven this time. But if it happens again..."

"I know, I'll be executed." Valkyrie said and stood up. "I'm going to find Skulduggery."

"Good luck with that. When he disappears at lunch, he doesn't want to be found. He likes being alone."

"Everyone wants to be found."

"I'm pretty sure that was on a cartoon this morning."

"I have a little sister so I have to watch them. What's your excuse?"

"Someone in my house likes watching them."

"Let me guess, someone called Dexter?"

"No. He's really handsome and muscular and all the girls, especially the hot new girl called Valkyrie Cain, want him...oh _wait_."

Valkyrie laughed and walked off to find Skulduggery. He wasn't with any of the Dead Men and the Monster Hunters were climbing trees. She passed Sanguine who wolf-whistled and Dusk who just stared in that creepy way of his. A girl called Myra was talking to Fletcher. Eventually she reached Scapegrace and Thrasher who were sat with a blue-haired girl. If anyone knew Skulduggery's whereabouts it would be them. "Hey, Vaurien." She jogged up to him.

"Hi, Valkyrie. This is Clarabelle. Clarabelle, this is my friend Valkyrie." Scapegrace smiled. The blue-haired girl waved.

"We're not friends."

"Yes we are."

"Hmm."

"We are."

"Have you seen Skulduggery?"

"Nope. He disappears at lunch. No-one knows where he goes."

"Well, don't you know anywhere where no-one would go so no-one sees him at lunch?"

"Uh the basement I guess but it's creepy down there."

Valkyrie muttered thanks and went down to the basement. The door was locked so she kicked the handle and the wood splintered but the door stayed closed. Sighing, she knocked. "Skulduggery?"

"Yeah?" He replied, sounding distracted.

"It's Valkyrie. What are you doing down here by yourself?"

"How did you find me here?"

"I found clues. And used my brain. Where would someone go if they didn't want to be found? Somewhere no-one else goes. The basement. Also Scapegrace told me kind of. He guessed at it and I checked up on it and lo and behold you're here." Valkyrie waited for an answer but all was silent. Then the door opened and she sort of fell in the room. Skulduggery was at the door and a pretty girl was sat on an overturned box behind him. "Oh, sorry."

"It's no problem. I was just leaving." the girl said coldly. "Have fun, Skulduggery." She walked up to him and whispered in the place where his ear should be. Valkyrie knew she shouldn't but couldn't help listening. _"I thought only I knew you well enough."_

When she'd gone, Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "So that's my ex-girlfriend, Marietta. Childhood sweetheart and all that crap."

"She seems nice."

"She isn't. Not anymore."

"Well, I was just going to see if you wanted a game of chess but if you want to stay down here?"

"I'll come with you." Skulduggery shut the door behind them. "Did you break my door?"

"Sort of."

"Do you know how to play chess?"

"No but I'm a good learner."

"Really?"

"Truly." Valkyrie blinked at him. Her heart suddenly leapt as he brushed past her to reach the stairs before her. Immature yet funny. That was Skulduggery all over, she guessed. She'd only known him for what? Two days?

"I'll teach you the basics then I'll whoop your ass at it." Skulduggery told her. "Prepared to take the beating to your pride?"

"I was just thinking the same thing about your ego."

"My ego is too big to be beaten."

"It is colossal." She agreed.

"That's because I have things to be proud and egotistical about." He said and turned round to look at her. "Valkyrie?"

"Yeah?"

"Never mind. It's just...you seem strange."

"Thanks." Valkyrie frowned.

"There's something different about you."

"Oh, you honey, don't you know that already?" She gave him a cocky and flirty smile. "I'm one of a kind."


	6. Chapter 6

_**This is only going to be a short texting chapter because I do one of these in most of my fanfics and I just wanted to do one!**_

_**Main ships: Ghanith (obviously), Fletchyrie at first like in the books but I'll be breaking them up as well (sorry), there's already senses of Valduggery and HOPEFULLY that will be the ultimate one at the end, maybe some Dexcen bromance, if anyone has an OC for anyone to date, Dead Men or Donegan. Not Gracious because there's going to be a running joke about "Gracious is lonely and just wants a girlfriend" stuff. **_

_**Onto the story...**_

Valkyrie opened her phone to three messages from Skulduggery.

**I'm bored. Want to come round? S**

**Not as a date. S**

**Not that it was implied as a date. Just to clarify. S**

***face-palms* would but only known u 2 days and homework! V**

**Ah the inevitable "ewww you're creepy and a stranger, I can't visit your house". Never happened before. S**

**You're a charmer. V**

**We're not making sense. S**

**Sense is my middle name. S**

**Just kidding it's Rupert. S**

**Seriously? V**

**Naw. S**

**Rupert's his teddy bear *hugs bear and kisses bear*! SR **

**Saracen! Damn you! S**

***snogs bear* DV**

***mildly pets bear* SR **

***pours bear some wine* DV **

***takes bear to bed* SR **

***whispers into bear's ear* DV **

**"I think I am s-e-X-u-a-ll-y attracted to you, bear" SR **

_**SR and DV have been muted.**_

**Sorry about them. Idiots. S**

**It's fine. V**

**Really? S**

**Yeah. It's sweet how they humiliate you at every twist and turn. V**

**Or weird. Which one do I mean? V**

**Weird. S**

**I probably do. V**

**Chama-chama-chama-chameleon. GB**

**Jinkies. GOC **

**We caught a mole. DB**

_**GB, GOC and DB have been muted.**_

**Due to popular demand Skulduggery Pleasant has been forced out of his room to catch Erskine's escaped rabbit. S**

**This is Saracen from Skul's phone. S**

**Kay. V**

**What's the rabbit called? V**

**It is white and obese and called Venice. S**

**Don't ask. S**


	7. Chapter 7

Cold, Valkyrie jumped up and down, contemplating the pros and cons of asking if she could share Saracen's jumper. The least active Dead Man was wrapped in a rugby jumper over his polo shirt and shorts and he was triumphantly stood next to his friends. It was abnormally cold for a Thursday morning in September. The Dead Men weren't shivering, they were talking in low voices, Tanith and the Monster Hunters were yelling about something and Fletcher and Valkyrie were freezing.

"God, do you think Saracen would lend us his jumper?" Fletcher voiced her thoughts and she grinned.

"No." Valkyrie told him. "Well, maybe he would but he'd gloat about he's superior because he has a jumper."

"True." He laughed as China appeared, hair in an immaculate ponytail, lean body encased in tight shorts and a polo shirt and her eyes cold on Valkyrie.

"What are you laughing at?"

"The way China looks at you. Why does she hate you so much?"

"She doesn't hate me. Skulduggery says she mistrusts me because I'm the new woman in Skulduggery's life. Not that we're dating, I'm his friend."

"Right." Fletcher rolled his eyes. "When a girl that beautiful glares at you, it's because she mistrusts you. It's a classic high school movie story. New girl at school, cheerleader hates her, battle of epic pranks and parties while new girl tries to get the guy and then ends up with the goofy sidekick with awesome hair."

"I'm not going to end up with Gracious." Valkyrie said, struggling to keep a straight face. Fletcher stared.

"Whu?"

"Goofy sidekick with awesome hair? Gracious, right?"

"No..."

"Who then? Oh I know!"

Fletcher brightened up.

"Ghastly!"

His face fell. "Ghastly doesn't have hair."

"That's the point. He has awesome hair because it's not there." Valkyrie said then smirked. "Oh my God, Fletch, I know the goofy sidekick is you, you imbecile."

"Oh. And?"

"And what?"

"What do you think about me being the goofy sidekick with awesome hair?"

"Meh. Not all movies end like that." Valkyrie said and glanced at Skulduggery. He was listening to Ghastly but he must have sensed her looking because he looked at her and she could have sworn his skeleton grin grew bigger. As she was wondering how Skulduggery was alive, someone put an arm around her shoulders.

"Mornin', darlin', I didn't see ya in English first period." Sanguine said and she wriggled out of his grip, disgusted.

"Get off me, Sanguine."

"Why? You love me really, li'l darlin'."

Valkyrie glared at him and then saw Fletcher walking off. She was going to call to him when Sanguine tapped her arm. "What?" She snapped at him and then froze as he took his sunglasses off and started cleaning them on his polo shirt.

"Now, darlin', your friend there, Tanith Low, is she called? Ain't she pretty? Is she devoted to Scar-face?"

"Call him Ghastly. And yeah she is devoted. Why?" Valkyrie frowned at him, ignoring the eye thing for now. "You fancy her, don't you? You fancy her!"

Sanguine growled. "Shut up, darlin'. Don't go yellin' it all out now. And I don't not fancy her. She's a very special li'l lady."

"She's got a boyfriend, Sanguine, so don't even go there."

"I ain't going there. Calm down, darlin'. I was just inquisitive."

"Inquisitive my arse."

"Hm. Well I'd love to chat some more but my friend's being interrogated by your friend an' it'd be helpful if you went over there with me and sorted all this out. He's not good at being interrogated." Sanguine and Valkyrie walked over to Saracen and Dusk. Saracen looked up and a flash of jealousy showed on his face as he surveyed his friend with the bad boy. Valkyrie just smiled warmly at him.

"Why are you interrogatin' my boy?" Sanguine dived in with a frown.

"We're Monster Hunters. That's what we do." Donegan suddenly cut in, eyes cold. "Dusk here, is a suspect in a murder."

"Another one?" Valkyrie interrupted. "Does Skulduggery know?"

"I presume so. If I know Skulduggery." Donegan said.

"He didn't tell me."

"Why would he?" Saracen said and Valkyrie felt hurt. The boys were all oblivious however so she let it pass. Why would he? She was with him for one detecting thing. It's not like they were real detectives now. Well, Valkyrie wasn't. "So, Sanguine, we suspect your vamp friend here is guilty. and so we're interrogating him. Problem?"

"One, the vamp is innocent, ain't ya, vamp?" Sanguine grinned. "Two, I know who did the murder. Ya know I once tried to be a detective. Didn't go well."

"Why?" Valkyrie asked.

"Kept beatin' up the people who asked me to solve the murders. Also I'm sixteen, keep up, darlin'." Sanguine smirked at her and she scowled back.

"Who did the murder then?"

"A certain Mr...ah, lesson's starting." Sanguine drew their attention to the golden-eyed boy looking at them.

Erskine coughed nervously. "Uh, I'm leading the lesson today. And uh Myosotis told me that...wait who is she? Myosotis...um." he frowned.

"Myosotis Terra is the gym and sports teacher. You forget her when you don't see her." Skulduggery told him.

Erskine nodded then cleared his throat. "Thanks, Skul. Anyway I'm leading the lesson for some reason. So, guys, let's go. Dead Men and Monster Hunters, you lot are a team. We're playing basketball. Magic is allowed. Fletcher, Valkyrie, Sanguine, Dusk, China, Clarabelle and Tanith, you guys are a team. I'm referee. And play!"

Valkyrie sighed as China snatched the ball again from Gracious and darted off, a tattoo on her hand glowing. Gracious gazed after her, eyes wide and affectionate. Donegan nudged him and they ran on. The basketball court was huge and it was more like a fight than a game of basketball. She was next to Skulduggery and Dusk was hovering behind her. Skulduggery was marking her, she thought, and she had no clue what Dusk was doing. Eventually the ball came back her way and Skulduggery used the air to propel himself near it. She followed and saw Dexter shoot energy at China. China easily deflected it but it cost her time and Skulduggery scored a goal.

Clarabelle leaped and missed the ball by miles and fell to the ground. The game was temporarily stopped by Erskine. "What's up, Clarabelle?" He asked.

She looked up at him. "Erskine? Since when did you have antlers?"

Valkyrie frowned. "I think she has a concussion."

"Reasonable assumption." China said coldly. "Shall we carry on playing?"

"Shouldn't we take her to the office or something for a lie down?"

"Valkyrie, if you are volunteering to forfeit the game and take her, go. But it means we are down two players. Guaranteed, you didn't do much but the morale was certainly boosted by you two."

Valkyrie glared but before she could say anything, Sanguine cut in and made it worse. "Now, Miss Sorrows, you may be pretty an' all but li'l darlin' here is better than y'all of you. She was a mortal first which means she values that some people aren't immortal and she thinks about injuries in a more concise and carin' way than us all."

China smiled briefly at that but it was a menacing smile. Sanguine looked like he was regretting that and Valkyrie was fuming. Fletcher helped Clarabelle up. "I don't know what I was expecting of this school." He said. "But I'm in two weeks in and you're all crazy and tough and powerful."

Then Erskine bit his lip and quickly stopped the lesson, saying they drew. "Actually it was 6-5 to us." Dexter interrupted but was shushed by Skulduggery. "Sorry."

"Valkyrie, if you'd care to accompany Clarabelle to the office? I need a word with China and I'm sure the rest of them are very busy." Skulduggery suggested. Valkyrie sighed and nodded. She had always hated sports anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

The lunch after Sports, Valkyrie went to visit Clarabelle and got ambushed by Scapegrace and Thrasher. "Hello, Valkyrie." Scapegrace said.

"Hi. Is Clarabelle okay?"

"Yeah. She's fine. Sleeping." Scapegrace eyed her up and grinned. "You look nice."

"Um, thanks?" She frowned. She couldn't stay with them any longer, their vacant smiles were creeping her out. They looked possessed. "I'd better go. I'm helping Dexter with his English homework."

...

Valkyrie sat next to Dexter on a picnic bench and shivered. Even in the cold, they insisted they sat on the picnic benches for lunch. Privacy, Erskine had said, was important. "You look unsettled." Skulduggery told her.

"I just had a chat with the creepy twins."

"Vaurien and Thrasher?" Dexter said. "They're awesome. They bought me vodka for my birthday. _raspberry _vodka."

"Right. Awesome." Valkyrie smirked and she heard Skulduggery laugh. "So, the English homework? Am I helping you?"

"Not any more. I got Aurora Jane to help me." Dexter said sheepishly.

"I thought Saracen fancied her." Skulduggery said.

"He does?" Valkyrie exclaimed at the same time Dexter said, "He does."

"Since when? I thought Saracen was a player and played the field instead of dating."

"Aurora's an exception."

"And you fancy her?"

"Uh, no. She's my tutor for English." Dexter smirked. "If that's what you call it nowadays."

"Call what?" Saracen appeared and Valkyrie choked on her water again. "Call what?" He repeated then hesitated. "Do I want to know, Dexter, my friend?" Dexter shook his head and Saracen dropped it. Valkyrie smiled; Saracen calling Dexter friend made her realize how they talked so old-fashioned although Dexter's eyes were youthful and blue and Saracen still had puppy fat.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery said in his silky smooth voice. "You're daydreaming. We're wondering if Anton and Erskine have finally done the deed and eloped."

"You lot are weird."

"Says the girl who's made friends with us." Saracen retorted. "Anyway, has anyone seen Aurora?"

"Dexter was revising with her. She's his tutor." Skulduggery said. Valkyrie coughed and Skulduggery looked at her. "What?" He said, obliviously. She looked significantly at Saracen and raised an eyebrow. Skulduggery just stared at her then sagged. "I was trying to raise my eyebrows but I'm a skeleton."

"Did you _forget_?" Dexter laughed. "Skulduggery, my dear dear friend, you are a moron. A good moron but a moron none the less."

...

_And on those wise words, albeit insulting, let us adjourn from this place._

_In other words, end of chapter._

_Any ideas please review and I'll give you credit._

_Also, I've read DOTL but obviously I won't do spoilers. Thanks to Derek I've been crying A SMIDGE and also laughing (just saying scapegrace chapters). And I forgot to tell y'all, all characters are Derek's because he beat me to the fabulousity of owning them. Unfortunately._

_The End._

_P.S. anyone think robert downey jr would make an impressively awesome saracen?_

_The Real End._

_Georgia (unfortunately last name is not Vex)_


	9. Chapter 9

_YES Skyla, fellow Robert Downey Jr lover! And Guest, I totally agree. We'd have to fatten him up on sweets and cake and stuff first. Of course we'd be the ones baking him things xD_

Valkyrie woke up to her phone vibrating loudly under her pillow. She groaned as she looked at the screen. The first Saturday of the school year and Tanith was calling her at 5am. "What the _hell_." She said and answered the phone. "Tanith?"

"Val, morning."

"It's 5am."

"Sorry, I didn't wake you up, did I?" Tanith sounded amazingly cheerful for 5am on a SATURDAY MORNING. Valkyrie was seriously regretting her choice of friends at the moment.

"No, no, it's..fine." She sat up in bed and tried to focus on what Tanith was saying.

She was talking a million words per minute and Valkyrie tuned in to hear, "-and it's meant to be hot today. Well, hot for Ireland and Ghastly and Skulduggery aren't coming because of whatever they're doing but it can be a girly thing and-"

"Tanith, Tanith, slow down. What's up?"

Tanith sighed and started again. "I was wondering if you wanted to go on a picnic with me today and maybe some shopping? Not girly stuff. Just a boy-free day. And...well, do you want to come?"

"Ah, sure. Did you have to phone me so early though?"

"I'm outside your house."

"Um..."

"Skulduggery told me where you lived. Get changed and come downstairs. I have the picnic."

"Okay?" Valkyrie hung up and quickly put on some jeans and a top. She grabbed her trainers and a denim jacket with a hood then made her way to her parents room. She knocked on the door and Melissa opened it, concerned.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong? Why are you dressed? It's quarter past five, Stephanie."

"Who is it?" Desmond yelled from the bed. Then, "Alice just stuck her finger up my nose."

"It's Steph."

"Who?"

"Our daughter." Melissa said with a roll of her eyes. Desmond didn't reply. "So, Steph what's wrong?"

"Tanith's outside the house. She wants to go on a picnic."

"That's great. Are you going now? It's very early in the morning."

"I know but she insisted. We're having a boys-free day, apparently."

"Oh, can we meet her?" Melissa asked enthusiastically. Valkyrie hesitated then nodded reluctantly. Desmond, who had obviously been listening in, came out of the room, Alice hanging on his hip. They all headed downstairs and Valkyrie was starting to regret everything. Valkyrie opened the door and saw Tanith leaning against the door frame.

"Hey, Val. Uh Val's parents, little Val?"

"Alice." Valkyrie muttered. "And call me Stephanie."

"_Stephanie_," Tanith grinned. "Hey, Stephanie. Stephanie's parents. Alice."

"Good morning, Tanith." Desmond said. "Please, please, call me Desmond."

"Desmond-"

"I've changed my mind. Call me sir."

"We're going." Valkyrie said quickly and got Tanith out of the house quickly. "Bye, Mum, Dad, I'll call you when I'm coming home."

"Okay. Bye, sweetie." Melissa waved. Valkyrie got into the car, next to Tanith then felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped and looked round. Aurora Jane, her eyes twinkling, was sat there next to a grumpy looking girl.

"Hey, Val." Aurora said cheerfully. "This is Melancholia St Clair, she's my exchange student, sort of."

"Hi." Valkyrie said and the blonde girl glared at her.

"Don't try and act like my equal." She snarled.

Valkyrie blinked. "Uh okay?"

"You know Necromancy?" Aurora said as Tanith set off. "Normally they stay in the Temple all their lives but Mel here was forced by her teacher, Craven, to come experience life. And, uh, my teacher, Crow, made me be friends with her."

The car sped round a corner then parked in front of Starbucks. "First stop." Tanith grinned. "Coffee."


	10. Chapter 10

Valkyrie looked at Melancholia. "Your ice-creams melting." Melancholia just gave her a look of contempt and didn't do anything. Valkyrie shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Aurora came up, holding a shopping bag, and motioned to Melancholia's ice cream. "It's melting." She said.

Melancholia looked at it in surprise. "Oh thanks, Aurora."

"Why-" Valkyrie began but Tanith cut her off.

"I called Ghastly and he and _would_ 'lads' are at Ghastly's house. Apparently Dexter has broken a mannequin and Saracen is hitting on Ghastly's mum."

"Lovely." Aurora laughed. Tanith looked at her and bit her lip. "What?"

"Nothing. Hmm."

"That doesn't sound like nothing Tanith. What's up?" Aurora demanded. Tanith shrugged.

"Nothing much. So...shopping?"

"Aurora has too many bags already and it's 9am and she's only been in a supermarket." Valkyrie pointed out. Aurora dropped the bags and took out her phone. She texted someone and a moment later, Fletcher appeared, looking sheepish. Because of the guilty look and his hair was curly and rather sheep-like.

"Morning ladies." He said. "Um, Autora, how can I help you?"

"Where do you get one?" Melancholia asked curiously. "Your very own teleporting slave?"

"Uh I'm not sure we should be giving you a slave. Before you told us that you wanted to be ruler of a dead country. If we got you a slave you would probably make them kill a load of people." Valkyrie said. Fletcher looked alarmed and stepped away from Melancholia slightly. She shrugged.

"Fletch take my bags. we're doing more shopping."

"Where shall I put them?" Fletcher took them.

"My bedroom. And say the magic word."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Where shall I put them, Your Majesty?"

Aurora nodded and Fletcher disappeared. Tanith and Valkyrie stared at her.

"We have _a few questions._" Tanith said.

"How does Fletcher know what your bedroom looks like?" Vvalkyrie frowned.

"Okay that wasn't one of mine." Tanith said.

Valkyrie waited for an answer but Aurora didn't reply and Tanith seemed okay with her questions being unanswered. Then they all went shopping.

...

Somewhat reluctantly, Ghastly joined in the poker match. He hated playing with Dexter because Dexter was too competitive. You just had to ask the Dead Men about the weekend of Monopoly and every one of them would shudder while Dexter ranted. Saracen sealed out the cards and placed €10 on the table centre. "Anyone want to raise the stakes?" He said and wiggled his eyebrows.

Dexter placed a bunch of notes on the table and a handful of coins. The rest of the Dead Men watched, eyes wide. "We'll I'm out." Erskine said and leant back.

"Play on." Saracen scowled.

...

Valkyrie watched as Tanith spun round in a black dress. It had a huge skirt and long sleeves. "Perfect for fighting." Tanith showed her the easily accessible strap for a gun or a knife.

"Um what shop are we in again?" Valkyrie looked round. "Wheres Aurora?" Aurora appeared at her name and Valkyrie stared. Her eyes widened. Aurora was wearing a strapless bright yellow top with silver tiny shorts and knee high black boots. "What the _hell _are you wearing?" She laughed.

"It's fabulous darling." Aurora said and winked. "Sent a photo to Saracen but he hasn't replied yet. I'll take that to mean he's totally gobsmacked."

...

Saracen ignored his buzzing phone and narrowed his eyes at Dexter. "Rue your phone is buzzing." Dexter said.

"So?" Saracen replied.

"Aren't you going to look at your text?"

"Nope."

Erskine grabbed the phone and looked at the text from Aurora. "Oh shitting God." Erskine smirked and sent a text back.

...

"SHIT." Aurora shrieked and Valkyrie spilt lemonade all over herself. She glared at Aurora who was busy texting and then looked at Melancholia.

"Could you pass me a tissue?"

"No."

"Okay..." Valkyrie got the tissue and wiped up the mess. Tanith was busy laying out the sandwiches and cake so she was stuck with the strange other two.

"What are we doing after the picnic?" She asked Aurora.

"Shopping? Or we go visit the boys? I need to snog Saracen."

"What?"

"Yeah. I kind of realised that I like him today. And he's been sending me some really cute texts so I'm just yeah."

"Cake is ready!" Tanith declared and Valkyrie wondered how she got to be in such a strange friend group.

_Part 3 will be up SOON. And please review if you would like me to do a one-shot about why Fletcher is now Aurora's slave. :) _


	11. Chapter 11

Tanith knocked on Ghastly's house's front door and a woman wearing boxing gloves answered. "Oh, hello, girls. Hi Tanith. they're all upstairs." His mum rolled her eyes and they all ran up to his room.

Tanith opened the door and peeked in. "Huh? Where are they?" She said.

"I'll text Saracen!" Aurora yelled and got out her phone.

**In Ghastly's bedroom. Where r u guys? Aurora xxx**

**Go to roar haven. Am sneaking in the sanctuary ;) xxx**

**Dear god. Okay. A xxxx**

"Roar haven?" Valkyrie asked once they were back in the car. "Is that where the sanctuary is?"

"Yeah. Also where the Gaol is. Holding cells. Dangerous criminals are there." Tanith looked back at her then narrowly missed running over a cat. "They better not be doing anything stupid."

_32 minutes ago_

_"Let's do something stupid!" Erskine yelled. _

_"How about we break into the sanctuary?" Dexter said sarcastically. Then grinned. "I'm a genius!"_

_"I'm not breaking into the Sanctuary." Shudder said. _

_"Why not?" Dexter smirked. "Pretty please. If we get caught say you tried to stop us."_

_"I...fine. But if we get caught I'm blaming everything on you lot."_

"It's their fault!" Shudder screeched as he heard a bang. He turned round and saw Aurora, Tanith and Melancholia smiling at them.

"Where's Valkyrie?" Skulduggery asked.

"She's claustrophobic so she tried to find another way in." Tanith went up to her boyfriend and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll call her to make sure she's okay."

Her phone was ringing. Valkyrie struggled then finally managed to get it and answer it. "Tanith now is not a good time." She hissed.

"Where are you? We're having a campfire. Skulduggery made fire outside and Saracen, for some reason, had marshmallows in his pockets."

"Just put me on with Skulduggery." She said and waited impatiently.

"Hello?" Skulduggery said after a minute or two. "What's wrong?"

"I'm stuck!" She whispered.

"Where?"

"In an air vent above the Gaol."

"Stay right there. I'm on my way!"

Valkyrie waited a bit until she heard the Gaol door opening and some of the prisoners hissed and yelled. "Val?" He said. She banged on the ceiling then felt herself begin to slide slowly. The ceiling was opening up. She whimpered a bit and then a tile fell. Her head hung out of the ceiling while her arms tried desperately to get a grip on a tile.

"Oh hi." Skulduggery used his air magic to shoot up and deposited her safely on the ground. "You okay?"

She coughed and brushed herself down. "I'm fine. Bit embarrassed."

"Nothing to be ashamed of. I once got stuck in a wall." He admitted. She stared at him. "Don't tell anyone I told you that."

"Howdid..."

"Shush." Skulduggery stopped and she heard footsteps and yells.

"Oh God." She groaned as the door flung open and Meritorious glared at them.

"Pleasant! Cain!" He snapped. "My office now!"

**11:23pm**

Valkyrie slid into bed, relieved that no-one had invited her anywhere tomorrow. She was tired. Skulduggery was going to take all the blame but she intervened so now they both had warnings. The rest of the Dead Men and the girls had been escorted back home but embarrassingly, Desmond came to pick them up. He spent the two hour car ride staring at Skulduggery and tutting. Then, they dropped Skulduggery off and Valkyrie got a strict warning from her mum and a compliment on her rebelliousness from her dad.

She frowned as she got a text. It was too late for texting.

**Heard you got caught breaking into sanctuary. Want a more peaceful weekend next week? You and me and a picnic? -fletcher **

She smiled.

_The fletcher being auroras slave one shot will be up next week sometime! _


	12. Chapter 12

Valkyrie glared at Skulduggery as he arrived outside her house in the Bentley. A door was hanging off, the front window was smashed and it was making a desperate hissing noise. "I'm not going to school in _that_." She sighed. "Besides the obvious embarrassment issues, I don't think it's safe."

"I crashed it yesterday." Skulduggery got out of the car. "Come on. It's perfectly safe. I promise." He shut the door.

It fell off.

...

"I can't believe you're making me get the bus!" He whined as they waited at the bus stop. "No-one gets the bus anymore."

"Why?"

"Everyone drives." He said.

She ignored the somber tone in his voice and asked, "how did you crash it?"

"Valkyrie, it's 8am on Monday morning. I do not want to give you the thrilling and exciting car chase story."

"Okay."

"What do you mean, okay?"

She turned to look at him. "I mean okay then, don't tell me the car chase story."

"But...it includes a dashing young skeleton and...I caught a criminal."

"Well done, Skul. Now shut up. I've got a headache and your voice in my ear isn't helping."

He stayed quiet until the bus came. Then he turned on her in horror. "I'm not getting on that. It's bright yellow."

"Baby!" Valkyrie sighed and dragged him on. She paid for their bus fares and then they sat at the back. Soon, an old woman came to join them.

"Hello." She said cheerfully. "I'm Margaret."

"Valkyrie," Valkyrie smiled back. "This is my friend Skulduggery."

"Are you from that gifted school where you're all geniuses and whatnot?"

"Erm, sure. It's a great school."

"We tried to get my granddaughter in there but she's not like you lot."

Skulduggery looked up. "What do you mean?"

"She's not a freak." Margaret hissed and produced a knife from her bag. Valkyrie stared at her. Then had to hide a smile.

An old lady wearing a raincoat and slippers was pulling a knife on them on a yellow bus.

"You're smiling. Stop smiling." Margaret screeched. "I'm really mad now you're smiling!"

"Good work Cain," Skulduggery muttered.

"Oh shut up."

"You."

"You."

"You." Skulduggery snapped.

"Hey? Remember me? The woman with the knife?" Margaret said and Valkyrie looked at her.

"The old woman with the knife."

"You teenagers are all the same." Margaret sighed. "Anyway freaks! It's time to die!"

Skulduggery pressed the red button on the pole and the bus swung to a stop. "This is our stop I'm afraid." He said and dragged Valkyrie off.

"She was a bit deluded-" Valkyrie started then stopped and looked around. "Skulduggery, where are we?"

"Oh yeah...I didn't want you to get stabbed so were kind of in the middle of nowhere?"

"We have to be at school in fifteen minutes!"

"But...I saved you from getting stabbed" he said. "And we can walk."

"I hate walking. Can you carry me?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I hate you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chemistry 11:32am**

Valkyrie pushed her jumper sleeves up as she sat next to Skulduggery in the chemistry lab. There were four rows of wooden benches with stools facing the front where their teacher, a grumpy old man called Kenspeckle, was standing.

"Books out," he instructed and she unpacked her bag to put her books on the desk.

"I'm bored." She told Skulduggery as Kenspeckle started talking about acids.

"Listen then. You might become smarter."

"I don't need to be smarter."

"Questionable."

"Have you always been so sarcastic and mean?"

"Only when I'm irritated."

"You're always sarcastic and mean."

"I'm always irritated. Now we are doing an experiment. Get the Bunsen Burner."

"The flame thingy?"

"I- yes. Get the flame thingy." He sighed.

She hopped out of her stool and went to the cupboard. Sanguine was holding two flame thingies and gave one to her.

"Here you go. I'd better get back to vamp. The annoying creature will be stressing at me if I take too long."

"Why are you friends with him if you don't like him?"

"Why are you friends with Pleasant? He's incredibly cold and violent." Sanguine said. She frowned at him. "He isn't-"

"Oh but he is." Sanguine said and smirked. "Go back to him, princess. But don't say I didn't warn you."

Skulduggery was waiting for her patiently with some test tubes and liquids splashing around in them. He connected the flame thingy to a gas tap and turned it on. The flame immediately burst up and she jumped back in surprise. "Ooh hot." She flexed her hand and sent a burst of air to blow it out.

"What was that for?"

"It was distracting you. And I need to talk to you."

He looked away from her and looked at Sanguine. "Why was Sunglasses talking to you?"

"_Sanguine._"

"Yes. Why was he talking to you?"

Valkyrie just smirked and turned the flame back on. She pushed the bowl of liquid over it with a smile. "Tell me again why you gave up your family crest."

"I never did tell you," Skulduggery said with a smile in his voice.

"I'm sure you did. I love that story."

"I'm not stupid."

"Questionable."

...

**Sorry for the shortness but will update again as soon as I can :) **


	14. Chapter 14

Valkyrie: I'm bored. What classes are you guys in?

Erskine: I'm sat behind you with our main man Skully.

Saracen: just nah bro

Valkyrie: stop. Just stop.

Erskine: oooh damn did she just try to stop my gangsta rhythm

Valkyrie: oh my god I'm dying

Erskine: of laughter :D

Valkyrie: of embarrassment and shame that I call you a friend

Erskine: but we best buddies

Valkyrie: we _used _to be best buddies

Erskine: and now we're not

Saracen: I wish you would tell me whyyyy

Valkyrie: DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN

Dexter: IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE A SNOWMAN

Saracen: GO AWAY ANA

Dexter: OKAY BYEEEEEEEEEEE

Dexter: hey dudes. Does anyone know what 2+4 is?

Saracen: uh

Erskine: 8 I think

Dexter; thanks :)

Valkyrie: and skulduggery says I'm an idiot

Skulduggery: you're a special kind of idiot

Valkyrie: I know bae

Skulduggery: bae?

Valkyrie: hehe

Erskine: OMG MY VALDUGGERY IS COMING TRUEEEEE

Saracen: *drags Erskine away*

Erskine: NOOO LET ME SEE THE BEAUTY OF THIS

Skulduggery: what are they on about?

Ghastly: THEY KNOW NOT OF THE TORMENT

Tanith: *throws Ghastly on top of Erskine and runs away*

Valkyrie: have they all gone mad?

Skulduggery: probably. I would mourn them but we're all mad here, Valkyrie.

Valkyrie: indeed we are

Skulduggery: actually I was thinking-

Fletcher: HELLO GUYS! JUST BARGING IN HERE TO ASK VALKYRIE ABOUT OUR HISTORY PROJECT THAT WE ARE DOING TOGETHER

Erskine: *sobs* why must it never happen

Valkyrie: oh hey fletch

Skulduggery: Renn

Fletcher: bones and val ;)

Ghastly: hell no back slowly away fletcher

Tanith: sigh

Dexter: we are learning about pie now. I didn't think maths would be fun. I hope we get to eat pie. I bet we will.

Caelan: I despair of Dexter Vex from the darkest parts of my bottomless soul and spiritual heart. Valkyrie Cain, get this pain from me, my beautiful love.

Valkyrie: um no

Dusk: dang it caelan. Stop pretending to be from twilight. I already have it thrown at me.

Sanguine: heh yeah that was a good morning

Fletcher: GUYS SKEDADDLE PLUZ

Valkyrie: never say skedaddle or PLUZ again

Fletcher: anything for you baby

Erskine: oh my god no no no fletcher no what are you doing my fellow verily good haired friend no

Dexter: the teacher spelt pie wrong heh heh

Valkyrie: I miss Merlin episodes

Caelan: I can be this Merlin you miss, my love

Valkyrie: call me your love one more time and I'll skinnnn you

Moriarty: YOU STOLE MY LINE YOU ASDFGHJKL

Valkyrie: gotta love jimmy

Moriarty: pah

Tanith: oh Sherlock, why must you taunt us. Just make longer series

Valkyrie: I knowwwww

Skulduggery: guys, the bell rang ten minutes. Where are you all?

Skulduggery: vengeous keeps giving me evil looks

Skulduggery: he's sat on the table near me and he keeps staring

Skulduggery: he's not blinking

Skulduggery: please come save me

Dexter: come to the library. We're all there examining the goddess in her natural habitat.

Valkyrie: but I'm in a tree with Tanith. I'm not in the library

Erskine: good one dude but not you. China.

Saracen: do you think she would say yes if I proposed to her

Ghastly: no

Saracen: but

Ghastly: no

Saracen: if I bought her a book

Ghastly: no

Saracen: IT WOULD PLEASE THE PEOPLE WHO SHIP US

Skulduggery: okay vengeous just sat at my table

Skulduggery: he's not breathing now

Skulduggery: I think I killed vengeous

Valkyrie: HOW?!

Skulduggery: with my mind? I don't know! He's staring and not breathing of blinking! Should I poke him?!

Valkyrie: yes!

Skulduggery: AHHHHHHHH

Valkyrie: I'm guessing he's alive then HAHHAHAHAHAHAHBAA

Skulduggery: he just glared at me and slowly whispered "I will be avenged" then somehow floated away

Ghastly: why will he be avenged? For the great explosion?

Skulduggery: uh no

Valkyrie: what did you do

Skulduggery: I poked him...in the mouth...by accident

Valkyrie: NEVER LETTING YOU FORGET THIS

Erskine: for as long as they both shall live

Ghastly: I do *cries*


End file.
